BALANCE – Attitude/Allow

I started 2019 with my one-word BALANCE and creating an acrostic poem Believe, Attitude, Love, Allow, New, Connect and Energy to further develop how my one-word can truly become a part of me. I have been reflecting on the two A’s, Attitude and Allow.

As part of my journey to understand how BALANCE can be part of my life I am reading Balance Like a Pirate. The authors talk about balance quadrants (personal, professional, positional, and passion) and how those quadrants work together to support a person’s overall balance. This is where my Attitude and willingness to Allow have really come into play.

My personal and passion quadrants have taken the biggest hit so far this year, which has really lead me to reflect on how I am working to find the willingness to allow. I strive to be healthy and take care of myself so I am able to be there to support and take care of others.  However, back in December, I pulled a muscle in my back which has not healed.  Due to my chronic back issues I have to rest, I have to let others do what I would typically do myself, and I have to put things on hold.  Just getting through a typical day is exhausting and I am physically and mentally beat by the end of the day. I was pushing to do more, but my body and mind finally took over and I have had to stop and allow the physical and mental rest to happen. I don’t like the rest that I am having to take, however, in some ways I am better for it. I am learning that by allowing myself to rest and letting others do there is a new BALANCE to my life.  I have also discovered that by allowing myself to step back and ask for help others step up to support me.

Attitude is the other A within BALANCE for me.  I am having to take a closer look at my attitude in the professional quadrant. At school, we had a training on diversity and an activity was to use five index cards to write your name, how you identify your race, and three other words or phrases you feel identify you. My five cards…Stephanie Kay Smith Dill, white, learner, Mamma, and SPED Teacher. We then partnered up to explain our cards and were asked to take away the one card that you felt didn’t really matter to your identity.  From the four cards left the partner was to blindly pick another card to take away from your identity.  Then of the three remaining identity cards, another one was pulled and then torn in half. This was painful in two aspects; as the person tearing another’s identity card and then to discover which of your personal identities was torn.

My torn identity card…SPED Teacher. Of my five cards, I truly identify myself as a Mamma and a special education teacher. I knew early on in high school that I wanted to be a special education teacher, and I am currently in my 25th year teaching students who qualify for special education services (really all students). Having my SPED Teacher identity card torn was more than just an activity; in recent weeks I have felt torn up due to comments of another teacher I work with. When working in a classroom and students who are not identified to receive special education services are told “You don’t need to be back there, you are smart in math. Go back to your seat.”, I just want to throw my hands up and walk away. How can any child learn, be willing to ask for help, or see the value in others when they have to be in a classroom with an adult who has that type of attitude?

All of this has caused me to focus on attitude. How does it all affect my attitude, what do I do differently to change, and how can I support those who I feel are attacking me? I know what I do for all students is the right work. I will work with and support any student who asks or looks to need a guiding hand.  I have spent the entire school year going into this classroom to support students and model for the teacher. Students come to me because they know I will give them the attention, support, and the reassurance they need.  As a school, we are working on mindsets and one is perseverance. I need to persevere through this, keep a strong attitude that the work I do and the support I give students is right and what the students need. I need to go back into that classroom and continue to support any student who asks; they deserve it!

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