Teaching

Who me?

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Who me? Yes, you. Couldn’t be. Then who?

This give and take from a song I sang with preschools is a perfect fit for how I am currently feeling…like an impostor. I am five to six weeks (honestly I’ve lost track) into the first quarter of a principal licensure program and my head is spinning, I’m feeling lost, and wondering where I belong.

So far the program has been wonderful. We are learning theory and have the opportunity to tie theory to real-world applications. My own personal boundaries are being pushed, pulled, shoved, and torn in ways that at times are uncomfortable, frustrating, eye-opening, and healing. I went into the program having a pretty strong idea of who I am, what I stand for, and knowing my limitations and strengths. Well, at least I thought I did.

I’m discovering parts of me that really don’t fit with my own espoused theory – typically for the better. Through my learning and interactions, I’m working to find who I am. This school year I’m moving to a new school, which now I’m feeling is for the best. This staff, students, families, and community don’t know the old me, so as I’m learning and discovering the new me they are too. Heres hoping that my current friends will accept the new me. Or maybe they already see the me that I’m just finding.

Balance – Love

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As I sit to write this post The Beatles song “All You Need Is Love” is resonating through my head…

All you need is love, All you need is love, All you need is love, love, Love is all you need.

The last few weeks I have been doing a great deal of reflecting on my career. I am completing a momentous milestone…25 years of teaching, all in special education! I can honestly say I LOVE what I do.

This is my year of BALANCE and maintaining Love is a part of my balance. As I wrote about in a previous post I truly identify myself as a special education teacher and the love I get from what I do has kept me going all these years. I got my first contract job for the 1994-95 school year as an Early Childhood Special Education teacher for the Council Bluffs Community School District. As a first year teacher, I was full of hope and scared beyond belief; oh but how far I have come. I’m still full of hope, at times scared (yet in a different way) and confident. I now know that I do make a difference in the lives of my children and their families and I am forever grateful for the opportunity to work with and support so many families.

In the past 25 years I have assessed, written reports/IEP’s, progress monitored and loved so many littles. For me, the biggest love as a special education teacher is I get to grow up with my littles. While classroom teachers have their kids for a year or two, I can have mine for their entire elementary career. The experiences I have had just increases my love for my littles.  Here is just a smattering of experiences over the last 25 years…

  • being pants by a four-year-old
  • having a four-year-old strip to her diaper and run through the building
  • taking a little with CP down a slide on my lap and listening to his giggle
  • walking on my knees with a little who is blind to encourage him to use his cane and walk independently
  • littles cheering when told you are moving grade levels with them so you can continue being their teacher
  • giggling when my tongue gets tied and I say sh*ts instead of sheets (thank heavens for 6th graders)
  • doing a lesson on hygiene w/glitter & minutes later the little goes home due to strep test coming back positive
  • having a fashionista plan out my wardrobe at least once a week (loved not having to think about what to wear)
  • a little saying “you’re the best teacher” then the next breathe “you’re fired”
  • helping a little look for her first lost tooth on the playground full of pea gravel

For me, teaching is about relationships. Over the last 25 years, I have worked with families to establish services to support their child; yet, the biggest reward is when we get to discontinue services. The joy on a littles face and the peace on their families face when they have accomplished this task is one of the best feelings. I have now been in a district long enough to have had the pleasure over the last few years of having families and littles (who aren’t so little anymore) contact me letting me know they are off their IEP, giving me thanks for all the work we did in elementary, telling me they are making it and how thankful they are and inviting me to attend their high school graduation.

Here’s to the last 25 years and the love so many littles have brought me and here’s to what lies ahead. I know there is no perfect BALANCE to life, yet I Believe through my Attitude, Love from others, being able to Allow New growth, and Connect with positive Energy I will continue to cherish all I gain from my littles and their families.

Balance – New/Connect

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Wow, the difference a month can make. In my quest to have stronger BALANCE in my life a couple of things have happened that may appear to throw me off balance, yet, in the grand scheme of life I know I it will make me more balanced.

Referring back to my one-word BALANCE and creating an acrostic poem Believe, Attitude, Love, Allow, New, Connect and Energy, the words New and Connect have brought about actions I have taken and a new section to BALANCE is forming in my life.

I have been given a New opportunity to complete something I started a few years back. For quite a few years I have thought about doing work at the administrative level. So, a few years ago I started a program to get another masters degree in administrative leadership. Well, for various reasons I was not able to complete that program. Sometimes life happens and something has to take a back burner. For me, it was the program.  I had all intentions of completing the papers and getting everything submitted but my intentions weren’t enough. Fast forward a couple of years and the fact that I never completed the program eats away at me. Well, a colleague, who is also a dear friend, is currently taking classes to get her administrative license. My friend is well aware of my one-word BALANCE and kind of jokingly said to me “the program may not help you find your balance but I think you should do it.” She sent some information to me and I found myself going to an informational meeting, completing the application, going through the interview process and being accepted into the program. Now I have the opportunity to balance out what has been missing by not completing the first program and get my principal license.

Another New happening is I have accepted a position at a different elementary school for the 2019-20 school year. While that is four and a half months away I have to prepare myself, the current staff I work with, and the students in the building. I have built some very strong relationships with adults and students over the last five years. I am a firm believer that change is good and there are times that moving on to another school is the best way to get the change or be the change you need. While saying goodbye is difficult the excitement I have for the new is the fuel I need at this time.

With these two New adventures starting in my life in the near future this also brings me to Connect. Now is the time for me to connect with new people, to expand myself personally and professionally. This is also a time for me to stay connected to those who have helped me grow and develop over the last five years. I will be ever thankful for the connections fo my past. However, I am filled with so much awe, wonder, and anticipation for the new connections to come and where these next steps will take me.

My idea of BALANCE may be rocked a bit, but I’ve got this!

BALANCE – Attitude/Allow

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I started 2019 with my one-word BALANCE and creating an acrostic poem Believe, Attitude, Love, Allow, New, Connect and Energy to further develop how my one-word can truly become a part of me. I have been reflecting on the two A’s, Attitude and Allow.

As part of my journey to understand how BALANCE can be part of my life I am reading Balance Like a Pirate. The authors talk about balance quadrants (personal, professional, positional, and passion) and how those quadrants work together to support a person’s overall balance. This is where my Attitude and willingness to Allow have really come into play.

My personal and passion quadrants have taken the biggest hit so far this year, which has really lead me to reflect on how I am working to find the willingness to allow. I strive to be healthy and take care of myself so I am able to be there to support and take care of others.  However, back in December, I pulled a muscle in my back which has not healed.  Due to my chronic back issues I have to rest, I have to let others do what I would typically do myself, and I have to put things on hold.  Just getting through a typical day is exhausting and I am physically and mentally beat by the end of the day. I was pushing to do more, but my body and mind finally took over and I have had to stop and allow the physical and mental rest to happen. I don’t like the rest that I am having to take, however, in some ways I am better for it. I am learning that by allowing myself to rest and letting others do there is a new BALANCE to my life.  I have also discovered that by allowing myself to step back and ask for help others step up to support me.

Attitude is the other A within BALANCE for me.  I am having to take a closer look at my attitude in the professional quadrant. At school, we had a training on diversity and an activity was to use five index cards to write your name, how you identify your race, and three other words or phrases you feel identify you. My five cards…Stephanie Kay Smith Dill, white, learner, Mamma, and SPED Teacher. We then partnered up to explain our cards and were asked to take away the one card that you felt didn’t really matter to your identity.  From the four cards left the partner was to blindly pick another card to take away from your identity.  Then of the three remaining identity cards, another one was pulled and then torn in half. This was painful in two aspects; as the person tearing another’s identity card and then to discover which of your personal identities was torn.

My torn identity card…SPED Teacher. Of my five cards, I truly identify myself as a Mamma and a special education teacher. I knew early on in high school that I wanted to be a special education teacher, and I am currently in my 25th year teaching students who qualify for special education services (really all students). Having my SPED Teacher identity card torn was more than just an activity; in recent weeks I have felt torn up due to comments of another teacher I work with. When working in a classroom and students who are not identified to receive special education services are told “You don’t need to be back there, you are smart in math. Go back to your seat.”, I just want to throw my hands up and walk away. How can any child learn, be willing to ask for help, or see the value in others when they have to be in a classroom with an adult who has that type of attitude?

All of this has caused me to focus on attitude. How does it all affect my attitude, what do I do differently to change, and how can I support those who I feel are attacking me? I know what I do for all students is the right work. I will work with and support any student who asks or looks to need a guiding hand.  I have spent the entire school year going into this classroom to support students and model for the teacher. Students come to me because they know I will give them the attention, support, and the reassurance they need.  As a school, we are working on mindsets and one is perseverance. I need to persevere through this, keep a strong attitude that the work I do and the support I give students is right and what the students need. I need to go back into that classroom and continue to support any student who asks; they deserve it!

Renewing Strength

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The other night I was mesmerized by a fire. I stood looking at the flames, the wood, feeling the heat and thinking how destructive and renewing fire can be.  I thought about the need to set one’s heart on fire for what is truly loved and desired.

Teaching is a true love of mine. I knew in high school that I wanted to be a special education teacher, and I am. I really can’t foresee myself doing anything else. For many of us, there are specifics about teaching that set our hearts on fire in a way that can be destructive or renewing. There are a few phrases that will raise my hackles and set my heart burning in a destructive manner. However, it is time to turn that destruction into something renewed.

The phrase “buy-in” is meant to be one that shows acceptance and willingness, yet, my thoughts go to coercion or some sort of sales tactic. I hear many teachers and administration talk about how they can “buy-in” to a particular way of thinking. Or that with just the right incentive students will “buy-in” to the activity. I don’t want to “buy-in” to anything (unless it’s a fantastic vacation package or timeshare in the tropics somewhere).

Instead, I want to be ignited and inspired by the new thinking. I want to know that those around me are being empowered by an activity. I want students to be able to take ownership of what is being asked of them.  I want to encourage and establish a desire in students and colleagues to keep going forward with their learning and growth. I want those around me to feel the renewing strength of their heart on fire.

 

 

Connect and Empathize

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As an educator is it important, or more exactly it is imperative that we are able to connect and empathize with our students.  I had an experience that brought a whole new level of thinking, understanding, and empathy when I thought about what our students go through, possibly on a daily basis.

As an educator, I have taken classes, attended PD, read books and articles, shared on social media and even started this blog all in the name of learning, to better my skills and craft of teaching, so I can better teach and support my students.  The majority of the time most of the activities and interactions are within or slightly out of my comfort zone, yet I am able to work through to the next level of understanding without any problems. While these activities help to make me better they really don’t help to build empathy for my students.  Until this past weekend.

You see, I put myself in a situation that brought about feelings of being overwhelmed, inadequate, trepidation, and anxiety; all in the name of learning. Through Twitter I am slowly learning about the use of comics/graphic novels in the classroom so to learn more I went to the Denver Comic Con not once but on two separate days.  This was a mind-blowing experience. I’m not really sure what I expected but what I saw, heard, and tried to understand left me lost.

As I walked through the isles that were jam-packed with people (all ages some in regular street clothes, majority dressed in costume to represent their favorite comic character), books, art, and merchandise I thought about students. While sitting through fifty-minute educational presentations to learn more and as my confusion and frustration rose I thought about students.  I thought about students new to a school, new to the country, those that have additional educational or social-emotional needs, our students in general and how just the act of going to school, being exposed to new faces, rules, expectations, curriculum (the list goes on) can make our students feel like I did this weekend…overwhelmed, inadequate, trepidatious, and anxious.

While in this situation I was able to conceal my emotions – although my face may have shown otherwise – our students aren’t always able to conceal their emotions. This is where connections and empathy are imperative. The next time I see a tell on a face, tears, hear crying, or maybe what appears to be physical aggression I will quickly reflect back to this weekend and work to better understand where these feelings might be coming from.  Students need to know it is okay to be feeling the way they are, that we will work through the feelings to get to the next level.

I wanted this weekend to be learning about comics/graphic novels. Instead, it was about stepping out of my comfort zone to better my ability to make connections and empathize with students.  We work with the whole child, we need to make connections along with having gone through situations in order to empathize to help our students learn and grow.

 

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